Coaching in Concrete Terms: How to Recognise Good Online Coaching

In my last three initial conversations, each client independently asked whether we could also meet in person for the coaching. Of course we can. What lies behind the question is more revealing. All three were unsure whether coaching on screen works as well as a face-to-face conversation. I hear this scepticism again and again, and it deserves a thorough answer.

Of my more than 1,000 coaching sessions, I have held over 80 per cent online. I accompanied 895 of them as an Expert Coach via CoachHub, rated 4.78 out of 5, and others via Sharpist and with clients who come to me directly. I am happy to offer in-person meetings when the opportunity arises. What all these sessions have taught me is that the effectiveness of coaching depends above all on how the work is done in each individual session.

What makes coaching effective, on screen and in the room

Whether coaching at a distance is less effective has been well researched, and the answer is reassuring. Clients make comparable progress online and in person. What matters most is the trust between coach and client and a shared focus on what is being worked on. Such a working relationship can be built on screen just as well as across a table. It grows out of the way of listening, asking and working.

Every session begins with a concrete concern

At the start of every coaching session we clarify what today is to be about. I am on first-name terms with my clients, and the question I ask is almost always the same: “If you describe your concern in one sentence that begins with ‘I wish’ or ‘I would like to’, how does it sound?”

This form has two effects. The sentence begins with “I” and so directs attention to what you can shape yourself. It also describes a state you want to reach and points attention towards a solution from the very beginning. “There is a conflict in the team” becomes something like “I would like to handle the conversation with my colleague in a way that gets us both pulling in the same direction again.” The second sentence is something we can work with, and at the end of the session it shows how far we have come.

Sometimes this sentence comes immediately; sometimes working it out is already an essential part of the work. Quite often it turns out that behind the topic someone brings lies another one, such as a decision that has been postponed for weeks.

Online, this step carries particular weight. In the same room there is a run-up, the way to the office, the coffee, a few words about the weather. On screen the conversation begins immediately, often between two other appointments. A clearly named concern gives both sides orientation in that moment and ensures that the session belongs to your topic from the first sentence.

Every session ends with your next steps

At the end of every session there are steps that you formulate yourself. For this, too, I have a fixed question: “Looking back on our coaching session now, what next steps follow from it for you?” The answers describe what you will do before we next meet, whom you will talk to or what you will try out. There is a simple reason why these steps come from you. Solutions you have found yourself fit your situation and your person, and you are more likely to put them into practice.

The more concrete an intention, the more likely it is to be carried out. A step works best when it is tied to a situation, for instance “When the budget comes up in the Monday meeting, I will voice my concerns.” The situation then reminds you by itself of what you set out to do. A good next step is therefore small enough to actually take in the coming week and concrete enough to know when the moment has come.

Concreteness goes well with depth. Some sessions lead through values, recurring patterns or inner parts before a step becomes visible. The step at the end ensures that this depth arrives in everyday life.

What is different on screen

Online conversations have their own strains. Video calls are tiring because faces appear unusually close, one's own image is constantly visible and reading facial expressions and gestures takes more attention. I take this seriously. My sessions last 45 to 60 minutes and follow a clear structure so that concentration stays on the topic.

At the same time, the screen brings advantages that make a real difference in practice. Facial expressions are easy to read up close, including small changes in expression that often say more than the sentence being spoken. Without travel, a session fits into the working day, the intervals between sessions can be shorter, and this morning's issue is still fresh. You sit in your familiar surroundings, where the next steps will afterwards be put into practice.

Where sharing a room adds something becomes clear with individual constellations. Clients place cards with terms on the floor, such as “grief”, “money” or “courage”, and step onto them one after another. Very often they react clearly as soon as they sense how they are connected with a term. I do this online too, and it works very well. The client sends me a photo of the constellation so that I know where the cards lie. While they are standing on a card, however, I usually cannot see them. The computer's camera captures the place at the desk. The constellation usually lies two to four metres away in the room, and not every laptop or screen can be turned so that this area comes into view. In the same room I see the reaction directly and can respond to it straight away. For methods like this an in-person session is therefore an enrichment, and I am happy to offer it. For the vast majority of leadership concerns, online coaching is a fully fledged format.

How to recognise good online coaching

An initial conversation is a good opportunity to check this. Notice whether your concern is clarified at the start and whether you know more precisely afterwards what it is really about for you. Observe who talks more. In a good coaching conversation the coach mainly asks questions, and you find the answers yourself. Ask yourself at the end whether you have a first step in mind that you can take in the next few days. A good setting also includes a stable connection, a quiet place on both sides and a clear agreement on confidentiality.

When these points are in place, the screen becomes the frame for a conversation that begins with your concern and ends with your own steps.

Further reading

• Rebecca J. Jones, Stephen A. Woods, Yves R. F. Guillaume: “The effectiveness of workplace coaching: A meta-analysis of learning and performance outcomes from coaching” (Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, 2016) – Meta-analysis; face-to-face and blended formats with an online share are comparably effective.
• Rebecca M. Berry, Jeffrey S. Ashby, Philip B. Gnilka, Kenneth B. Matheny: “A comparison of face-to-face and distance coaching practices” (Consulting Psychology Journal, 2011) – Working alliance and progress in face-to-face and distance coaching compared.
• Erik de Haan, Anthony M. Grant, Yvonne Burger, Per-Olof Eriksson: “A large-scale study of executive and workplace coaching” (Consulting Psychology Journal, 2016) – The working alliance as the strongest factor in coaching outcomes.
• Peter M. Gollwitzer, Paschal Sheeran: “Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes” (Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 2006) – Why concrete if-then intentions are carried out more often.
• Jeremy N. Bailenson: “Nonverbal overload: A theoretical argument for the causes of Zoom fatigue” (Technology, Mind, and Behavior, 2021) – Why video calls are tiring.
• Coaching expertise – Experience via CoachHub and Sharpist.
• Why Acknowledging Emotions Opens the Way to the Issue at Hand – Why facial expressions and undertones carry so much in a conversation.
• Als Mensch führen – The book (German).